disappointment and gratitude (wait listed)

We had to give Max some bad news tonight, when he was really expecting good news. Even though Paul and I both looked very somber as we produced the letter he had been waiting for, Max still assumed it was good news and that we were goofing around. We had to look at him, after he had jumped up from his seat at the dinner table, with his arms raised in triumph and tell him, "no, Max, it is actually NOT good news." You are on the waiting list. We will have to wait a few weeks to see what happens, to see if some people do not accept the grant, but you are number 7 on the waiting list. We share your disappointment. We hope that things will work out.

We had heard happy rumors from several people that the Jewish Foundation had received fewer applications than they had grants to distribute, and when I went directly to the source to confirm this, a few weeks ago, she told me that, although it was not yet official, I could tell my son it looked very likely that everyone who had applied would receive a grant. So, I repeated this to Max, and since then, we have all been waiting for the good news to arrive.

Yesterday, while I was away on my wonderful silence retreat (more on that tomorrow) Paul took in the mail and was shocked to learn that the Foundation had in fact received 97 requests for assistance, and yet it had only 82 checks to distribute. They had used random.org to make things fair, and the number assigned to Max came up #89 on the list.

"We know how much you want to visit Israel," the letter said, "and we hope the time will soon come when we can once again offer an unlimited number of grants for all who apply to visit Israel."

Enclosed is the Random Sequence generator so that Max can see his number, 10613, near the bottom of a list of 92 numbers. I am not sure what the value of that is. It confirms that his was the 13th application that was completed, but thanks to random.org, all his friends are going to Israel together this summer and he is not going to be with them.

Now, Max has a lot to be thankful for, and he knows this, including the fact that my in-laws generously made it possible for our whole family to be in Israel with them this past summer. But the whole time we were there, Max was filled not only with apprecation and excitement, but also the anticipation of sharing the discovery of his ancestral homeland next summer with his peers, kids he has gotten to know the past few years at Hebrew school and sleep away camp. Many attractions he cheerfully passed up, saying "that's okay, it's on our itinerary for next year."

So, what am I thankful for tonight? Well, when I said to Max, as I watched him reading and rereading the letter, trying to absorb the news and still hold it together, "if you don't feel like going to Hebrew school tonight, we completely understand," he said, "No. I want to go." and went to his room to get his guitar.

It took him a bit longer than usual to emerge from his room, but I waited in the car and eventually, he got into the passenger seat and let me take him to Hebrew school. He got out of the car and said "I love you." I am grateful for that. And I am very grateful that he feels he is part of a community that will support him when he is sad, that will give him sympathy while they are celebrating their good fortune. I hope he is getting what he needs from them right now.

Support from your friends is a beautiful thing.