Monday, January 18, 2010

schmearputz

I was on deck for an audition, with another actor standing right behind me in the narrow hallway. It was time to smooth down the hair, review the lines one last time, and take some deep breaths to prepare. I glanced down at my charcoal grey jacket and saw a schmear of brown by my waist, a bit of either nutella or chocolate milk gifted to me by one of my kids. I worked the dried food off the fabric with my fingers and, aware that the guy next to me was watching, said "I'm afraid this sort of thing happens a lot...I have three kids."

"I completely understand," he offered. "It's something my mother-in-law calls schmearputz. Messy face."

"Hmm. I'm pretty sure schmearputz would be messy penis."

Immediately after this escaped my mouth, I tried to improve things by adding "which also happens...but I believe face is punim."

We both tried to act like this was a normal conversation. Good thing we're both actors, right?

"German mother-in-law?" I asked.

"Mm-hmm."

"Cool."

And then it was my turn to audition. What a warm-up.

2 comments:

  1. Very funny story. But I thought that was all Yiddish not German.

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  2. I thought so, too, but this is Cincinnati, and I have learned NEVER to assume something is Jewish when it could possibly be German.
    So, is it possible that a word can mean "penis" in one language and "face" in another, very similar, language?
    Isn't it more likely that this guy doesn't realize his mother-in-law is actually speaking Yiddush?

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