today's gratitude

is first, for a friend who, although nearly 20 years older than I, can totally kick my butt in her ballet class. As I was writing this post, she wrote to say that I inspire her, so that makes us even, I guess. Thank you, Jane!

but more deeply, I am grateful today for the amazing internet which connects us and has shrunk our social world down into a quite huggable size.

Wow. It is quite amazing.

I know that it was supposedly created either for the distribution of porn or to build a network to combat global warming, but once you figure out how to make it work for you, well, my goodness, there is just no end to the images, the information, and especially, the people you can reconnect with...

I admit that, like many people in his exclusive age group, my 99 year old former violin teacher does not do email, but that is because he is just too busy, still teaching, bless him!

My other former violin teacher, however, who is about the same age as my current ballet teacher, is all over the net and emailed me back immediately with a very enthusiastic response when I wrote to her recently to thank her for all that she did for me as a child and young teen.

You all know what a big fan of expressing gratitude I am. It makes my day to be able to give thanks, not just to the universe, to the Source, but also to people who make and have made my life better. So, as I fought back pre-performance jitters yesterday, I thought I'd issue a brief note of thanks to an exceptional person who graced my life during college.

As I sat, sipping coffee, anticipating my first orchestra concert since 1993, when a Usdan summer camp anniversary reunion brought us to Carnegie Hall for a celebratory performance, I was thinking back to all of the fine conductors I have ever had the experience of playing with. And even though I have been very privileged in that department, it was easy to pick out my favorite. Even though I was fortunate to enjoy Eugene Kahn's leadership in JOLI, and Martin Dreiwitz's in LIYO, Burton Kaplan's with Manhattan Downeast Chamber Orchestra, and got to spend a summer in Vermont under the baton of Eugene List, and was invited to play Mahler under Otto Verner Muehler as a guest with the Yale Orchestra, my very favorite conductor was the one who led the Bach Society Orchestra my freshman year at Harvard. No, it wasn't Alan Gilbert; I missed working with him by a year, because my boyfriend persuaded me to quit the orchestra in order to spend more time with HIM during my senior year. (If you don't know, Alan has gone on to become the Maestro of the NY Philharmonic. So, yes, I'm a bit sad to realize I threw away that opportunity, but I am hardly entitled to much of a pity party. Honestly now.)

But anyway, my favorite conductor was Sam Wong. And even though I found it personally rewarding to work for hours, even days on end to send an email to my father that will never be answered, I must tell you that nothing internetty really holds a candle to sending an email to a long lost friend you think has forgotten you, only to discover that he hasn't.

Being told you are remembered like it was yesterday never gets old.

So, anyway, I wanted to share my happiness about that. :)

Another reflection I have had since receiving Sam's response is that we never know how people feel about themselves, deep inside, and that it very often does not match up with what they project outwardly, or what we project onto them. This may seem obvious, cliche, even trite, but it feels very powerful to me, and I expect I will continue to sit with it for some time. It also leads me back into my memoir work, which is beginning up again in earnest, so much so, that if you do not see a daily posting here, know that I am redirecting my writing energy toward that project so vigorously that there is just no time left to blog. You may assume that I am well, or else I would be here, blogging my gratitude, if for no other reason than it helps, like nothing else I know how to do, to get me back into a positive frame of mind.

I leave you with the hope that this inspires you to reconnect with someone you've been thinking about. Look them up and let them know what a gift they are.

Namaste