why I am happy to do a teenager's laundry

When Max was starting high school, I was looking forward to his doing more to help around the house. I grew up with a housekeeper picking up after me and I went off to college a spoiled slob, and I wanted to prepare Max differently. Two and a half years later, I take full repsonsibility for the fact that his activities have gone in a different direction than domestic. It took me a while to work through some disappointment and even resentment of the fact that I was still his maid, but eventually, I realized that if he stopped to do his own laundry, put away his clothes, to clean up his room, even to set the table, he would have less time to do the countless and truly awesome array of wonderful things that he does do. And while I imagine there are many of you who will disagree with me and say I am spoiling my child, I am now strong enough in my convicton to able to defend my continuing to pick up after him and generally be as helpful as I possibly can.

I was just in Max's room, straightening up, making his bed, picking up bits of trash and loose change from the carpet, when I came across an email which reminded me all over again why I so cheerfully continue to act as his maid, cook, laundress and butler, even after being dismissed as his driver.

The email subject was "Ideas for Max" and it was written by the woman to whom Max reports at his volunteer job at The Drake Center, a rehabilatation facility where Paul is a salaried employee.

For the next couple of days, she writes, it would be great if Max could go from room to room and play for the following residents for 15 minutes a piece. She then lists some patients for Max to visit, 4 for Wednesday and 4 for Thursday, and describes them and their bed location to prepare Max for each encounter:

1. alert, oriented and verbal, but difficult to understand at times

2. nonverbal, enjoys music, at times will swing elbows

3. nonverbal

4. repetitive verbalization, will sometimes yell out

Wow. Not your typical audience for live music; not by a long shot. Many teens with Max's musical gifts would use them merely to get attention from their peers, to become popular, or a "chick magnet". Max is very familiar with the power of his musical performance to command the attention of his peers, but he chooses to do so much more with his talent, and I could not be more proud.

Max gets up early almost every Sunday, drives to temple with his guitar and spends the morning teaching small children to sing Hebrew songs, for just $15 before taxes are withheld. He leads religious services at temple and at home, with me (his mother) and on youth retreats. And now, he plays and sings, four afternoons a week, for people living in a rehab center, some of whom are nonresponsive.

I will wrap this up now, hopefully before it has become a disgusting brag fest. As I said recently, when Max acted in Brighton Beach Memoirs and people called him a star on my facebook page, it is terrific to win over an audience and to garner critical acclaim, but it so much more important to me that he be a mensch. I'm going to run back upstairs and finish putting Max's clothes away. When he returns later from the Latin Convention he's been attending all weekend in Columbus, I wnat him to have a nice, tidy room to collapse in; or, more likely, to stay up late and finish his homework in.

OK, here I go...