BCG attends a Bar Mitzvah...and really, really likes it!

My friend, Trina, a self-proclaimed Bad Catholic Girl, reads this blog regularly, corresponds with me frequently, and enjoys learning a bit about Judaism from what I share here. As Trina's "go-to Jew", I was recently tapped for any advice that might help her and her family be ideal guests at an upcoming Bar Mitzvah, their first! Trina uses yiddush so adroitly that I was frankly a bit surprised that she had never before attended a Bar Mitzvah. Flattered by her request, I mentioned a few things I thought she might like to know and then, promptly forgot about it.

Then, the other day, Trina sent a Bar Mitzvah report that brought tears to my eyes. I was so moved by her observations that I asked for and obtained permission to share it with all of you.

For those who do not know, Bar Mitzvah means Son of the Commandments, and "Bat" Mitzvah is a variation that refers to a daughter. Once a Jewish child reaches the age of thirteen (twelve, for a girl) he/she is counted as an adult member of his/her congregation, and as such, assumes responsibility for following the laws of our religion, also known as commandments. In many cases, this milestone is marked with a celebration, which typically features the Bar/Bat Mitzvah reading from the Torah at synagogue, and addressing everyone in attendance. Whether you may be preparing to host, star in, or attend such an event, (which, like the celebrant, is also known as a Bar/Bat Mitzvah) or you are merely curious about it, I hope you will enjoy Trina's report:

Now for my first Bar Mitzvah update: It was fantastic.

(Being a Bad Catholic Girl, I am used to long drawn-out services with a lot of up and down; but guess what?? The Jews don't kneel!!)

It was a 3-hour affair, with people walking in and out, kibbitzing in the pews, davening, chiming in with the call-and-response - or not - more like the African Methodist Episcopal tradition than the rigors of the Mass (which clearly was stolen from The People).

(The cantor had a voice like a Russian opera star. Be still, my heart. Turns out he was from Argentina.)

Each boy gave a talk on his portion of the Torah, and related that to his community service project. One little guy (with a voice like an angel) told about volunteering at a nursing home for people with MS/ALS. He sang to them! Requests! Whatever they wanted! Lady Gaga!

The rabbi blessed each boy with personal acknowledgment of his particular gifts and talents - and said, "The next time we welcome you here, it will be under the chuppah [Jewish wedding canopy] with your beloved."

The younger brothers of the Bar Mitzvahs then circulated with baskets. Being a BCG, I naturally assume that when a basket comes by, you put money into it; but no; the baskets were filled with lovely candies, which we tossed at the boys to shower them with sweetness.

Fun! They thought of everything!

(We got the bishop slapping us on the cheek and informing us that we were Soldiers of Christ...)

All the families read and chanted; then at the end, the rabbi welcomed all the little kids up to the bimah [like a pulpit] - they raced up in a mad dash and sang the final prayer. It was terrific.

Then there was kiddush in the party room; then we all went back to our hotel, and swam and hot-tubbed till it was time for cocktails and dinner, with hot music, and a birthday party for our young friend (whose actual birthday was the very day of his Bar Mitzvah).

He stood up yet again, and publicly acknowledged his friends and family, inviting us to come and light a candle, as the DJ cued songs he'd selected for each party (he's a guitarist and loves music - He played "Empire State of Mind" for his grandma from New York). It was very cool.

I now see that all American children should be required to prepare for adolescence in this way - not by being stuck with the 'teenager' label, but by being welcomed to adulthood; to achieve literacy in an obscure and difficult language; to sing and chant in it; to perform meaningful community service; to articulate this experience in public; to have tasks and expectations, with the bar set high; and to be advised before the congregation to start thinking intelligently about whom they are going to hook up with permanently.

Then dance the night away!

His mother - a wise woman - told me later that she'd required him to help with every aspect of the event (which was as complicated as a wedding) - another skill set which should be honed in young people (so they will know what to do for their parents' golden anniversaries, etc.).

Walt said that the yarmulke covered his bald spot perfectly. (I was surprised at all the women wearing yarmulkes, but not prayer shawls).

We had a ball (and people loved it when we tossed out 'Yasher Ko'ach'). I remembered the multiples of 18; and some inner voice prompted me to wrap the present in blue, which turned out to be exactly right. It was a fabulous experience and we feel blessed to have participated.

xox b'shalom!