Friday, November 19, 2010

a particular type of gratitude

I know my blog is often about gratitude, but this post is about a particular kind.

This is about the peculiar gratitude I hold for the people and events I might have not consciously chosen or invited into my life, but from which I have received so many hidden blessings. The events which were so traumatic, the personalities which chafed so much against my own, that they forced me to examine why, and in so doing, discover more of who and what I am about.

We never ENJOY this sort of blessing at the time, but when we look back and see how much they have propelled us into personal growth, into greater self-understanding, and toward a happier healthier, more fulfilled way of being, then we may feel the very richest sort of gratitude. Momentary pleasures can be spiritually cheap and thus rarely deliver any really valuable insight. But deeply, acutely painful experiences - if we have the strength to examine them honestly, rigorously and self critically - can be our greatest teachers.

It is important to understand that people and events do not piss us off in and of themselves. It is the tender part of us which they somehow touch that carries in it the emotional power which we perceive as pain, distress, anger or sorrow.

Some individuals I love are in severe emotional pain right now. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to discuss with one of them the nature of those experiences that have led me toward greater levels of self-awareness, and toward a more genuine happiness. All of them have, in a word, SUCKED. But suffering through trauma and conflict can be a bit like making steel from iron. As much as part of me wants to "fix" my loved ones' problems, to scoop them up in my arms, to banish their suffering, I must comfort myself with the reassurance that, like me, like most of us, they are strong enough to go through the fire of this difficult lesson.

When iron is heated to an extreme, its impurites unite with oxygen to form oxides that are burned away and it comes out stronger. Like so much iron and carbon put through a furnace, we flawed human beings so often do come out of our dark and painful periods stronger than before, better able to build a future of durable happiness.

In yoga class today, our teacher, the radiantly beautiful Karen Johns, suggested we close our eyes and give thanks for the person who may have greeted us with a cross word very early this morning. She suggested that we take a mental step back and thank the universe for bringing such a person into our lives, another soul with whom we have the opportunity to live and learn and grow. There were a lot of giggles around the room, but I hope we all understood the wisdom in her words.

Intimate relationships make us vulnerable. The love and passion we have for another person strips away all our protective layers so that we are touched, both positively and negatively, as deeply as we can be. Our greatest joys and sorrows come from these connections, and I do believe they are our very reason for being here. When these relationships end, when they fail to meet our expectations, as they so often do, we often say they (or we) have failed. But even as we grieve the pain and disappointment some past relationships may represent, let us try to celebrate what they have taught us, about love, about life, about ourselves.

And let us give thanks.

2 comments:

  1. Very timely post for someone close to me. Thank you.

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  2. Nancy, I have just finished reading the past few months of your blog and am overwhelmed with the breadth of your topics and the insights you provide. I really missed you at HSWLC last month, and your blog has helped fill the void. Thank you so much for sharing. Your local paper is truly missing the boat. I believe you have a book in gestation...
    Hugs to you,
    Kyle

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