celebrate yourself (take charge of your birthday)

When you were a kid, you just adored your birthday. Remember?

A lot of people grow up, move away from dear ol' mom, and wonder why their birthday doesn't feel as special as it used to.

If you have reached the stage in life where you (or your paid employee) are finally responsible for your own laundry (or dry cleaning), I have news for you: It's now up to you to make your birthday special!

Yes, you can be in charge of your own birthday and give yourself the gift of a gloriously self-indulgent day. You can design, execute and enjoy your own celebration. If you are a mom, trust me: your husband and kids will most likely be thrilled that you are taking care of yourself this way. You are much better at this sort of thing than they are.

Don't know where to begin? Look at it this way. You've probably had a hand in planning several other people's birthday celebrations. Think of yourself as a very special, treasured friend and plan some activities that would please that friend. What does that friend (you) love to do but lately hasn't made time for?

If you are still stumped, here are some suggestions gleaned from my past few self-planned fabulous birthday celebrations.

If you are female, or very in touch with your feminine side, consider picking up (or borrowing) a glittery tiara to wear while you plan and/or execute your birthday celebration. Like any decent theatrical costume, it really can help you get in the mood. Former brides are often delighted to get theirs out of the box and let it catch the light for a change, so ask around. Or go to the Hallmark store.

Perhaps you would enjoy receiving a spa service. Nothing makes some people feel more pampered than a facial, spa pedicure, or massage. If you have the time and inclination, you might purchase a package (including lunch) and spend your whole day at a spa. Make sure you pick a place that knows how to treat you like royalty and be certain to tell them it is your birthday when you call. If you think you can't afford it, check Costco for spafinders gift certificates and then visit www.spafinders.com for local day spas looking to increase traffic. In this economy, even the best ones are hurting for business. Also, check groupons and living social deals for great discounts on spa services. Often these are good for 6 months after the date of purchase.

Gather your friends together. If you are like most grown ups, having graduated from school means you don't get to hang out with your friends as often as you'd like. Plan ahead and try to get a group of people you really enjoy all together in one place, preferably for a meal or an extended cup of coffee in your favorite cafe. Last year, I insisted that guests at the dinner party I planned for myself NOT bring gifts. Knowing this would be a tough impulse to overcome, I suggested that those who absolutely felt compelled to pay tribute might do so in the form of a poem, limerick, sonnet, song or dance. Boy, did we have a good time. The restaurant manager finally asked us to tone it down after one of my friends climbed up on the bar for a dramatic recitation of Maya Angelou's Phenomenal Woman.

It can also be fun, at small gatherings of special friends, to make special place cards or distribute token gifties to show them how much their friendship enhances your life - kind of like grown up party favors. You might attach a picture of the two of you and a note about memories from the past year of your friendship, or farther back, if that's more appropriate.

Consider getting tickets or reservations to see or do something special. This is particularly fun if your birthday falls in the middle of the week, on a night when you would not normally dare to think of going out for anything other than someone else's soccer practice, piano lesson, Hebrew school, therapy session or youth orchestra rehearsal. Add a glass or two of champagne at intermission and any doubt that this is a very special occasion for a very special person will be gone in a rush of tiny bubbles. This year I attended a chamber music concert, but a group of friends around a pottery painting table is also quite enjoyable and can potentially produce a new set of casual dishes for the celebrant. Remember: not only limos but also boats, helicopters and hot air balloons can all be rented for special occasions.

There is a picture of me at age seven, standing just inside the front door of my house, adjusting a paper and glitter tiara as I wait for my party guests to arrive. I am wearing a quilted, floor length, floral skirt to my own party, paired with a ribbed lavender turtleneck and long, beaded necklace. Consider overdressing on your birthday, at any age. Wherever you may go, you have a good excuse: it's your party! So, if you have a tuxedo or favorite evening gown that doesn't get out often enough (ever) this might be the year's best excuse to wear it in public. For some people (like me) formal wear makes every occasion more festive.

So, for planning and enjoying your very own Birthday Party, in a nutshell:

1. Imagine (realize) that you are your most dear and special friend
2. Get in touch with your inner birthday girl/boy
3. Plan ahead (and search for deals)
4. Pull out all the stops
5. Review and tweak for the following year's celebration
6. Repeat

Happy Birthday to You! And many happy returns...